Saturday, June 24, 2006

What's in the stars today?

I get three newspapers at home. No, no, titter away, I won't take it amiss. I can see you thinking, sage reader, the news is pretty much the same, the photos are not very different, even the ads are the same. So why, in the lord's name, would somebody get 3 papers at home??

Ah, but there are the astro columns, you see. I like to read the previews of my day, pure entertainment happens. Even better on Saturdays and Sundays, because same paper has multiple astro-entertainment columns. You'd think the same stars spoke the same language, but you'd be thinking wrong things. Reading aforesaid entertainment columns will lead you to the conclusion that if you watch stars from Bandra, they will definitely look different from the star view in Andheri or Colaba. Or there are parallel universes in which I exist. Or they quote from different lists of cliches (oops, let the cat out of the bag, didn't I?). I have worked hard, therefore, in collating what looks like the forecast for my day:

Take care as you are accident prone. (Thank you. If i don't have an accident today, i know whom to thank, and if i do have an accident, you warned me, didn't you?) (mumbai mirror)
If you can be grounded, you could ultimately make your dreams come true. (Very, very insightful. If I was at home and ten years ago, I would have done something really naughty so I could be grounded. Now that I have fiscal freedom, I'll just ground myself... into the dust. Sorry, pj) (dna)
Partners' help will now prove invaluable. This goes for both intensely personal issues and long-term professional arrangements (I hope my partners are reading the same papers. Should I just send them an sms?) (i.e.)
Life can seduce you in various ways today. Softer and more pliable, you are capable of being anything to anyone. (Sounds very soft-porno... though if I'm softer and more pliable, can't see how I can be as capable of being anything to anyone!) (ToI)

Add to this collection, my "numero-logic" for the day. My lucky number is apparently 3. It's a fairly complicated and rigorous computation. Take your date of birth. Write it down in dd/mm/yyyy format. Remove the two slashes. Then remove the digits you have written in place of mmyyyy. Total the two digits you are left with (hopefully you have only two left, otherwise, repeat procedure) to get the magical lucky number. Since that might have tired you out, take a deep breath and count till 3 (the lucky number again! you lucky dog, you) and then read your forecast - sorry, my forecast, yours will have to be calculated through computation shown above:
The platonic bond that you share with loved ones needs to be extended a bit... Your warmth can break the ice, and this could make matters so much simpler for you (Can I share my non-platonic bonds as well? will my lucky number let me do that, please, please? And what's with the warmth breaking the ice thing, isn't that supposed to be in the "How to date girl in party, shy boy" column?) (mirror buzz)

What would I do without my daily share of platitudes, cliches and tautologies?


Blogger Unratiosenatic said...

haha! the soft and pliable thing is funny :))

And didn't know you now get three newspapers everyday!

3:11 PM  
Blogger The Invizible Man said...

i get them now and then... dna and indian express everyday, and times of india when the neighbour's out!

10:28 AM  

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